I have a problem that has to do with myself & LM in the
future. I am actually fearful to ask this, but can’t get it out of my head. I
have come to the realization that I don’t fit in anywhere. I never have – not
in school, not in church, not in the workplace. No group really wanted me or
included me. From time to time in my life I had some fringe invitations or
relationships, but was never fully embraced.
My very few friends
have other best friends, leaving me without one of my own. (I’m truly happy for
them, don’t get me wrong, but I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t
envious.) I am almost 39 years old, and have yet to have a relationship where I
wasn’t the “odd man out”. I’m “friends” with a few people, but all in all, they
are “friends” of other “friends”. Not that I don’t cherish them (which I do and
am grateful for them) or that type of relationship, but it’s just not the same.I don’t know what I do / have done that has left me this way. I’m not sure how to change things for the future. I have been told to not let it bother me, but I crave friendship. I’ve been hurt so many times in the past, that I am a little gun shy, but I still want a friend(s). I need a friend(s) to do things with, talk to, go out and have fun with. I just don’t know how to get that.
Most importantly, if
I can’t figure this out, how am I supposed to teach my son - who has
high-functioning autism - that already struggles with social issues - how to
make friends??? How am I supposed to help him navigate waters that I can’t
figure out myself? How do I show him the cues from others to form true
friendships when apparently I can’t see them myself? I am at a total loss.
