I was wrong...

Sometimes when you first start on a new adventure, you are giddy with excitement and energy, hyped up on internet “facts” and “tips”, but all with a little ball in your stomach of trepidation, which you are too busy to listen to.

You make assumptions of what life will be like in the future, how you are going to do great things, accomplish multiple goals and gather up all of your friends to show them the “truth”……

And then…… actual life hits you square in the head. 

What in the hell were you thinking?

All of the grandiose dreams litter the path that you are trampling on, trudging on step by step, second guessing everything that you are doing.

Then,  hopefully you find others on your journey. They mix their ideas with your ideas. You do more research, talk to different people with different viewpoints.  They help shape yours to a more concrete actual view of this path that you are on.  You learn, you grow. The more that you lose your initial energy high, the more you feel comfortable in your own pace of the journey.

Once things settle down, you realize what you once believed is no longer your truth. You’ve refined it through fire and stress.  What you might have been so enthusiastic about at the beginning, you might actually find you no longer agree with, you can’t get behind anymore.

That’s how I feel about Autism Speaks.  I was wrong. I thought that lighting up blue was the answer. I thought that raising my voice for them would help my son, help others that are along our path. 

I was wrong – for him, for my friends, for their kids, for the autistic adults I have become friends with, and for all of those that I may never know…….. I was wrong. 

I think that my reasons are still valid, still strong. (my last post - years ago) I want acceptance for everyone….. we NEED acceptance for everyone.  But I can no longer follow their path….. for it doesn’t really speak for autistics and their families.

Imagine – Autism Speaks Doesn’t Listen……. Only Speaks.

And what do we teach our children? “ Listening Ears”……… and yet, they only Speak.

But they DON’T speak for my family any longer.

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If you would like to know more about the “why”, please go read a wonderful blogger at The Diary of a Mom - she said it so much better than I ever could!  – click    here     and    here

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Why Light it up Blue???

Why we lit it up blue for Autism Awareness……….

We just received our diagnosis exactly two months ago to the day. Most would ask, why would you be so vigilant already, why would you already be active……….to be perfectly honest, I am still shell-shocked, I am still dealing with the grief, frustration, anger, sadness……….loneliness that I feel on this journey, but I have – HAVE - to remember this is going to be a long road ahead.

He knows that he has a new aide at school, so he knows something is up. I told him that Papa & him think differently – that they are so super smart, so talented, so wonderful, and that thinking differently was ok. (Thanks to all of the mommy bloggers out there for the helping words to explain!) He loves his papa, so if it is good enough for him, then it’s good enough for my boy.

It was hard to even ask to “light it up blue”……….I mean, how hard is it to ask for a blue light bulb….but yet, I’ve come to small terms with it – my husband has not. I have no idea, but maybe to him, it is like a beacon telling everyone “hey – this house has autism!”……….it still has a stigma – I so wish it didn’t.

That little blue light for me reminds me that I have to help my sweet little boy get past the stigma and make his way through the world. There is much work to be done – “blue – I will fight – for my boy and all of the other children out there”. I KNOW that so many others have fought the fight before us to get us where we are now; there are not enough words of thanks. But we now take up the mantle for the others and ones to come………for the 1 in 88…..for my little one……..for his future friends/classmates/loves……maybe even for his future wife – so she won’t have to struggle as much as I have……

And with this face…………how could you not???