I'm not losing my funny

So,  I think it’s apparent to pretty much everyone here……..I’m not a writer.  Am I funny  - hells to the yes!  BUT……(and I do have a big butt……..) I am used to playing off of someone – a back and forth banter.  You say something, then I say something witty and maybe slightly inappropriate (ok – usually inappropriate), then you say something, then I say something to tie it up with a big funny bow…….and we all have a good laugh.  That’s how it works. 

The bad thing about the internet is that………there is no banter.  I’ve got to pick up your slack!  You are such a slacker!  Has anyone else told you that, because…..geeze……this is getting ridiculous!

Anywho…… I guess this means, that since I’m having a hard time with this writing thing – I thought I was losing my funny – then I thought it was writers block – then I figured out – fuck no – I’m not a true writer……ha ha!!!  Suck it……….I’m just gonna “blog” whatever the hell I want.  So…… If you can hang with that and follow along, you will see a little of what clouds my head.  Don’t expect “writing”…… because – yeah – I just told you – disclaimer - I’m not a fucking writer!

(gratuitous picture of our elf on the shelf to prove I'm damn funny!)

The trouble with shoelaces, blogs & why I will never get an Olympic Gold Medal

So – you know how you are watching the Olympics and that one figure skater just makes an incredible leap……..and then falls right on her ass?  Well, that would be me.  Well, with one exception – she gets up off the ice and keeps going.  Me – not so much!  I would be that one skater that would sit there, crying into my hands, ugly tears……. until someone came out and escorted me off the ice.  Yup - THAT’s me!

That brings us to the shoelaces…… no, really, it does!  My Little Man just turned 8.  He is totally afraid of learning to tie his shoes.  I mean, like he refuses to even touch them, try to tie them…….. get anywhere near them without just slipping them on.  As soon as he tries to do it, he gets one little step wrong, or it doesn’t work exactly right – and BAM – tears start flowing and he throws a fit and won’t try again.  I can’t figure out how to get him to do it……….so the kid still doesn’t tie them.

Yeah – that getting back up on the horse really doesn’t happen around my house!

Finally that brings us to this little blog right here.  I’m afraid of rejection I guess.  I want approval – well who in the hell doesn’t???  BUT, I’m so afraid of rejection or failing, that I’ve never even told my family about this page.  Actually, I’ve told almost no one about it.  Making it worse, I’m too afraid to “post” anything because it might not be funny enough or good enough – so I let things languish in my head and saved folder.  Cyclical – yes – hell yes – you betcha………. But that doesn’t mean that the feelings aren’t real and scary.

So, here’s my getting my ass off of the ice – medal be damned.  Although, maybe I could get a medal in “Ice Sitting”!

Lame - I know....

I love writing.........I have a post in my head while I'm driving.  I create posts in my head while I'm in the shower.  I write posts throughout the day, when I'm working my regular job..........
And then where or where are the new posts on my blog.....?!?!?

In. My. Head!!!

I have actually been trying to live life, instead of writing about the life that I've been strapped to.

I actually WENT out for a girls night out dinner with friends that I haven't seen in 20 years.....yes - 20 full whole years!  It was so nice - I must do it again.  You know how you "click" with someone - well, yes, we clicked!  It was awesome!!

And as for my very Late New Years Resolution.......this is my first step - writing a post. 

No - It's not pretty, No - it's not great writing , but dammit - it got posted!

Why blog.......

Why I’m writing this blog……….

Well – I was told (insert eyeroll & sarcasm here) that I needed something for stress reduction. (Not sure why he can't just "buck it up and deal with it, but I'm sure he's right - don't tell him though, he already thinks he knows everything!)

No one reads this, let alone follows it – so it’s like that one friend that will let you bitch, moan, complain and get sarcastic with and just listen for all she is worth…… (PS – if you find her, please send her my way; I will be nice, I promise!)

Option #1 – drinking Blue Hawaiian’s till you fall on the floor is not compatible to an hour long commute in the morning. Not that I’ve ever tried it, but I have it on authority that it makes it really hard to get up early. (Trust – people – just trust on this one)
No homework involved ~ well – maybe a small taste test…….

Option #2 – will spontaneously blow up and explode if I don’t let some of these emotions out – the guys at work may not like that (did I tell you I am the ONLY female at our company….not pretty!)
Homework ~ check out the Kaiser manual – could be true – might not want to chance it

Option #3 – the Hostess guy will not deliver to my front door, neither will the Pepsi delivery driver – don’t really want to gain another 700 pounds – it makes it kinda hard to find tents in stylish colors (circus stripes are NOT slimming!)
Homework ~ see if bribes will help – might be worthwhile, would also have to check on custom tent makers……..

I need, NEED to find a community that understands my frustrations - I’m a NT living with a cute little boy and his very smart father – both of them on the spectrum. They think I’m the “odd one out”….ha – if they only understood!

So you see my dilemma – so many tough decisions and not enough options!