Break the Silence ... Throw the Lifeline

There are a few new mental health initiatives going around right now – 

The Semi Colon Project,  Always Keep Fighting,  Medicated and Mighty, and a whole slew of others.  I think that’s great – fantastic in fact.  I support every chance in getting the word out there in spreading awareness in understanding mental health and getting help for yourself.

I applaud every opportunity to make sure we are supporting each other.

But as a community, are we doing enough?  I don’t think we are.  I think we have more to do on a one-to-one basis. When we say “hugs, I’m there for you…” are we really?

Case in point… There was one of our own on Facebook who had come to the end of her rope.  She reached out and said that she was done.  She was drowning in all that was going on.  She was emotionally, physically, mentally exhausted. That she wanted to give up, but she knew that she didn’t have any options.  It was hard for her to ask for help, but that she desperately needed help.

After the end of the many comments of “hugs”, “you are not alone”, and “we love you’s”

The silence was deafening.

A week has gone by…..   not one single person has checked up on her.

No emails.  No messages to see if she is doing ok.  No silly memes sent to make her laugh. No texts to see if she needs help.  No phone calls to make sure she’s gotten out of bed. No family, no friends.

Is this how we have personally helped someone in our tight little community?

I know she understands that people have lives and things going on. I know that she gets that others struggle just as much as she does, and that she cares.  I know that she has loved on people during the time she was hurting, because they were hurting too.  I know she realizes that not everyone fully gets that she was at her rock bottom and that if suicide wasn’t against everything she believed in that it might have been an option. I know she is hurt that friends didn’t make the time or effort….. but be damned, if it were them, she would do it for them in a heartbeat – even now, because she loves them. 

 

But, I also know, that she will probably never lay herself out bare again, exposed for the world to see, because asking for help is so hard……… so fucking hard.

And if we can’t ask for help we might truly be lost

If we know better - we can do better.

So, let’s do better.   It just takes a second to send a quick message to say:

 “I’m thinking of you”

“How are you doing”

“ Here’s a funny joke”

Or send a cat picture, the funny photo you got off the internet…. Pretty much anything!

It’s not hard, it doesn’t even have to be “right”, if it breaks the silence – it is a lifeline to the person that is drowning!

We need that life preserver thrown to us.

Because our lives depend on it

Because my life depends on it

Because that person was me

What's so special about Special Ed?

“We shouldn’t be under the Special Ed department!”

Yes, those words stung…… actually, they still do months later.  If you think a kid said this, you would be wrong, it was a parent.  A “smart” parent….. a GATE parent.  In our district the Gifted And Talented Education program is under the Special Ed department.

In their eyes……

GATE = different but MORE

Special Ed = different but LESS

I tried to explain to them that the goal in Special Education / GATE really should be giving kids access to what they need to succeed…. Special programs to stimulate their learning, Special unique opportunities outside the school setting to focus on education , Special modifications to ensure that their minds are broadened intellectually.  Hence…….. Special Ed

When I discussed this with them, you would have thought that they were afraid that their special snowflake would “catch” something from their being “lumped in with the others”……. Yes, that’s how he phrased it……. “the others”.

Those words hit straight to the heart……

He and so many other parents think that very same way….. Special Ed is something said in whispers, kept in secret, not discussed.  But show me a GATE parent that doesn’t scream out that their kid “made it”!

And the kicker…….. he knows my child…… he’s known him for a few years.  He has said wonderful things about my kid and yet he says this to me during a meeting.  My eyes stung holding back the tears….. luckily his wife stopped him before he said anymore….. but what more could he have said that his tone and attitude hadn’t told me already.

I defiantly told him that …Special Ed is not less… uniquely, my child is part of both worlds… GATE and Autism…….. and that truly made him Special!

AND tell me this…….

Why do we have to struggle for accommodations and services?

Why do we have to go to meeting after meeting, fighting for our child, feeling horrible each time we come out?

Why is it just commonplace to have them actually follow the IEP……. So much so that we have tons of meme’s circling the internet with our battle cry?

It just SHOULDN’T be that way……..not at all.    But it is, sadly, so many parents I know go through this struggle year after year to “prove” to the district that our children are worth it….. that they should get the opportunity to learn just like “other” kids!

But, no matter what I said, it hurt.  It hurt for my kid.  It hurt for all of my friends and their kiddos that are looked on as different, but less.  It hurt as a part of society that sees this as “their truth”.  It hurt to know that in this day and age that if this were about gender or race, that people would be outraged, their hands in the air fighting…… but who’s fighting for our kids’ rights? For people to see them as whole, wonderful loving human beings that need acceptance. 

So when will “Special” stop being a bad word?  Let us come out of the shadows and be treated just like any “other” parents.

When will people realize that ALL kids are special?

what if.........

I’ve been pondering all of the tragedies in our society lately.  It saddens my heart and soul to see all of this go on.  This post is not about guns, it’s not about mental illness, it’s not about any of that………it’s about what each of us can do, each and every day that might make a difference.

What if………

What if we cared more about saying “hello” to people than looking down at our phones? 

What if we said “how are you” and actually meant it and listened to the answer? 

What if instead of answering “fine” we actually said how we felt?

What if we were genuine and told people “thank you” and “have a nice day”?

What if we actually knew our neighbor’s names?

What if we took enough time to help each other?

What if……….

How would we all feel if we thought that someone else actually cared about us? Would that make us hurt less? Would that make people act out less? Would that let us reach out for help when we needed it? Would we reach out to those that we thought needed help?

I personally think it would.  I might be naive, but I think that if we cared just a little bit more about those around us, if we had a vested interest in the people that were around us, that we could make a personal difference in each other’s lives.  I’m not talking about surface Stepford façade interest, but actually getting to know one another.  Just little steps into making each other matter, because, we all do matter!