I’m trying not to give up….. but it’s hard.
I put on makeup, pulled my nice jewelry out of the safe and
dressed as if I cared.
But I don’t. I just can’t.
I can’t make myself be what I’m not. I didn’t want to get out of bed, but I am a
responsible adult, so I did what I had to, but I can’t get myself to wake up
inside.
Some days I am raring to go……. Motivated, wanting to do 17
things at once. Color my hair with crazy streaks and so on.
And then the wrecking
ball comes and knocks me down. Flat on
the ground, the air taken out of my lungs.
I can’t breathe. I want to give in to the feeling and stay there.
But I don’t. I just
can’t.
Because I’m supposed to be a responsible adult. I’m tired of having to be a responsible
adult. I just want to give up, let go,
crawl into bed and never get out.
But I don’t. I just
can’t.
Because nobody will do what needs to be done for my boy.
So…… I do, because I
have to.
