Friday, August 23, 2013

facing the music

First there was this:

AWESOME PROGRESS!!! Little Man at his substitute daycare ASKED TWICE yesterday if he could find a quiet spot so that he could just take a break from the noise and movement......ASKED, no getting upset, no hitting, no meltdowns!!! WOOO HOOO - way to go Bubba! This is progress people! I might not have the same issues as you have with your kids - and sometimes it's hard to hear all the things that your kids can do without a second thought, but damn it, we are celebrating every single milestone, whenever we get to it, small steps at our own time! Autism Be Damned
And then there was this……..
                Eating my words - I guess this morning was hard, but if he did it, he can do it again.
                Two steps forward & one step back is still moving.

Which turned to tears……….mine
This shit is hard.
It seems like each day I cringe when I pull into the parking lot – hopeful, but with trepidation.  I want to run in and out – not to be stopped by a teacher, so as not to be told of the bad news.  To not be waved into the office once again to be told “your son did this again……”, “he can’t keep his hands to himself”, “he’s impulsive” or whatever the reason du jour is.  Some days I just can’t take it.  I want to run and hide.  To let someone else pick him up.   I miss him so much during the day, but feel guilty when it’s time to pick him up that I don’t want to hear it “once again”……………….  Some teachers are nice about it.  They understand he acts out usually due to some other behavior or a reaction of something else.  They get it.  Other’s don’t care to get it and don’t see him being bullied or someone being mean to him, so he reacts back.  He is impulsive and yes, he needs to be better at handling his emotions, but there is a whole picture to it – open your eyes people!
So, once again, I’m counting down the hours until pick up, knowing that I’m scared to go in and face the music.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

I'm hiding now

How come we as women can remember……….and then dwell on every single stupid, maybe douche-baggy stuff that was done to us – or maybe a word that we said wrong to someone and then felt bad, then that person didn’t talk to us – either intentionally or for other reasons (heck, they might have not even been bothered), but we keep it all in – boiling and festering until we just blow up.  It rots us to the core, we think about it non-stop – wishing we had done things differently, said something better, not said something at all!

But you do worry – what if you hurt their feelings, what if they think you are just stupid and not worth their time, what if…………
And then, maybe you tried to apologize and got tongue tied, or it came out wrong…..or you’re just awkward……… and now it’s even worse!

That’s when I just want to push my head in the sand and never come up………..

Thursday, August 15, 2013

To Minecraft.......or Not To Minecraft - That is the Question

So I am greeted by Little Man at his daycare with a bunch of homemade tools in his hands yesterday.  During the LONG.....over an hour ride home...... he tells me everything there is to know about Minecraft.  Did I know that everything is made out of bricks, lists of all of the bad guys, something to do with butter???  Oh. my. gosh..... I was going to rip out my own ears to get some peace and quiet! I even turned up the radio - did he take the "hint" - no!  That little kid kept right on going, like his life depended on telling me everything there is to know.

Here's the kicker........he's never played it.........yes, that's right - NEVER!  We don't even have a game system to play it on! 

He heard all of this from his "friends" talking.  I use "friends" - as he actually doesn't play with them, or talk to them, he just listens.......or stalks - not quite sure! I don't think he's even seen anything about it other than their shirts.  Where he got the idea to make all of these weapons/tools, I have no idea - he said "his head" - good for you little buddy!

The question is - I downloaded the free version on our iproduct the other day when he came home obsessed about it, and then I decided that he didn't need to know about another video game.  He already has Angry Birds & a few others.  What in the heck should I do?  Do I let him play, and then maybe he can actually strike up a conversation with one of the boys and he can finally fit in (or try - we did the same thing with Pokémon - 7 circles of hell on those damn cards) or do I just let sleeping dogs lie?????

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Stay-cations Suck!

Seriously – a “stay-cation” is just a fancy fucking way to say long weekend at home! I get plenty of those a year – what I NEED is a fucking VACATION – as in “Vacate” – as in “get the hell out of dodge”……. See the difference?!? 

I "get" two weeks of vacation a year, BUT as a mom - let alone an autism mom - I have to save at least a week of those precious hours for the boy - puke-fests, calls from school for hitting (yet again!), teacher-work days and heaven forbid if I get sick!

The hubs on the other hand gets 5 weeks of vacation, plus sick time......yes you read that right - FIVE. fucking. weeks.  And does he ever use them to take care of the boy -!

Why, No, I’m not bitter at all.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Where, oh where is my table???

So I haven't posted in awhile.  I've been busy with......well - a 7 year old hurricane! 
Here is my proof - this USED to be my kitchen table:


 Little man has decided that along with his never ending supply of Lego's to work on, he is going to make a comic he HAS to have his art supplies out.  And his Cub Scout pinewood derby car...and that huge piece of Styrofoam - well, that he made into a skateboard vert ramp (way too much X-games for him!)  And the Angry Birds - because you never know when you are going to have to toss them at the cat running by....
Oh - and don't mind the bowl - that was his "if I have to puke" bowl from the side of his bed - which has only been used to transport Lego's - Thank God!
And - why yes - my web address is upside down........because I'm cool like that!!!